IN LIMBO AGAIN...

…Still…kinda…sorta…maybe…I dunno.
I’ve been finding myself between a rock and a hard place the past few days and it’s frustrating the hell out of me. The majority of my life and belongings are still in a ten by twenty foot storage unit I can’t do anything with for another couple of weeks until after we move to our new place. That in itself won’t resolve a great deal of my dilemma when we do. If anything it may make things worse for me for quite a while more and my lack of mobility are only making a frustrating situation even more so.
I find myself sitting on the couch in the same place looking at the same scenery with a thousand thoughts and ideas bouncing around in my head that never shuts off for even a moment wanting to do more than just sit here and write stupid musings and shit that people only probably read the first two sentences of anymore these days and I don’t blame them for that. I wouldn’t read it either. What I’d rather be doing is translating some of the things I wrote into visual images like I used to but we don’t have the space at the moment and it wouldn’t be fair to try and make this cramped space any more cramped than it already is so I sit and wait impatiently. One of the problems is that once we’ve moved…I won’t have a whole lot more space than I do now. I’ve gone from vast amounts of space to attempting to be creative in a shoebox without crowding my wife out of the space we do have to share these days. The thought of “expanding into other parts of the house” is not an option for a whole book of reasons.
First and foremost…it won’t be my house. My wife and I are HUGELY grateful for what our daughter has offered to us, but it’s still an uncomfortable and embarrassing circumstance for me to wrap my brain around some days. The places I’ve lived in the past I’ve usually had more than a vague idea of how things were going to be laid out. Everything had its place functionally, visually and otherwise. You’d never know it to look at how I currently live here in transition but I am a neat freak to the point all of my clothes are color and seasonally coordinated in my closets and drawers. I hate clutter of any kind and don’t believe in hodge-podge decorating simply because something might fit where it doesn’t belong at the moment.
Simply put…the cleaner, more functional and simpler a place can be the happier I am because my head and eyes don’t hurt as much then (My wife and I are modern/contemporary people). Now add to this the fact that we’ll be sharing space with our daughter, her boyfriend and our granddaughter and their personal tastes which since it’s their place I can’t just charge in like some flaming Scottsdale decorator with a feather duster up my ass and plan anything and everything without their input and authorization. As it is I know we’re going to tangle somewhat over where certain things should go and my studio equipment shouldn’t have to be a part of that discussion. I have visions of what the patio could be…but what it will end up being is anyone’s guess right now as an example.
Lacking mobility is another frustration for me right now. In times past if I had an idea, wanted to see something first hand or simply ran out of something I would jump in a car go do what I needed to do and be back in a flash to continue on with what I’m doing. If an event, show or party of interest was going on…we went without a second thought. Add to this additional inconvenience the fact that a lot of stuff I used to do without a second thought I can no longer do without someone around to make sure I don’t hurt myself. Now these days I have to plan days and weeks in advance to get from point A to point B and back with a driver or a babysitter and time is more of a premium than before because of the cost… never mind planning for the money to do anything as well (I’ve filled out more forms for forms and such than the average person has ever seen in a lifetime recently). I now understand why Andy Warhol and people of his artistic level had a staff just for filling out paperwork and another one for grants…geeeeeze.
So here I sit, wondering, waiting, feeling frustrated and a little bored wanting to know if after the next few weeks are over I’m going to actually start to work on my new life and the experiences it will probably bring or resume the current one sitting here with a thumb up my ass…but with a new view…sorta.