Travels with Yoda Part 1

PART 1

For Christmas the daughter who was crazy enough to take my wife and I in gave me an unexpected surprise. She had to come up with an inexpensive “Secret Santa” gift for a co-worker of hers she had drawn from the hat. She came home with this amazing little “Yoda” backpack sized for a four year old. I have long thought that was the coolest backpack on the planet because the San Diego Padres have used it in their rookie hazing ritual.
To those unaware of what I’m talking about every year the Major League teams find the most atrocious backpack they can find and assign one of the rookie pitchers to carry this backpack every game to the bullpen filled with candy bars, sunflower seeds and such for all of the other pitchers (the D-Backs had a Hello Kitty one last season as a comparison). They’re responsible to get said backpack to and from the bull pen throughout the season. Needless to say it gets a lot of camera time and I fell in love with Yoda…even though I’m not a Padres fan.
I threw such a fit the kid at our daughter’s office almost didn’t get his. Come Christmas morning under the tree was my very own Yoda backpack. Now mind you, this is designed for a short person so it doesn’t hold a lot of stuff. The cavity only holds enough for a wallet, a cell phone and maybe an energy bar or two. For many of the things I have to cart around these days that’s generally not always quite enough but I promised the kids I would use it (I know what you’re thinking and you’re probably right…the meds are being adjusted as we speak). Having said that though understand that, from time to time, Mr. Messenger Bag will have to stand in for Yoda but Yoda will still be there…if only in spirit.
After much research (and a discussion with my best friend the lawyer) you won’t get to hear Yoda’s comments through my journaling. There’s a very high powered Producer/Director and a well known Director/Puppeteer who might take issue with what I understood Yoda to say so you’ll just have to accept my interpretation of his comments.
This last week Yoda and I had a couple of interesting adventures. I had to go and have my broken finger X-rayed to see how bad it really was from the fall I took on New Year’s Eve. Since I’m no longer allowed to drive my health plan had to arrange transportation for Yoda and I to and from the Imaging Lab and wouldn’t you know it…we got picked up by Philosopher/ Cab Driver Pete who reads self-help and philosophy books between fares. Yoda and I had a glorious time comparing fate/free will and the power of positive thinking on our twenty-seven point three mile trip to the Imaging Lab. Pete was on a quest to “re-invent” himself at this stage of his life. Something I could wholeheartedly relate to. Because of my hearing disabilities I couldn’t tell at times if he was saying he was Agnostic or a Nazi half the time so it made for an interesting conversation none the less. Yoda looked at Pete and I as if we were clearly delusional but said nothing. The sky was blue, the air was warm and all was right in the world so who cares.
Pete dropped us off at the Lab and was disappointed we couldn’t continue the conversation further and had hoped we were only going to be a few minutes because he could then wait and return Yoda and me to our humble domicile when done and talk more on the way back. Sadly that wasn’t to be the case.
At the Lab I had to fill out a few forms while Yoda wrangled a date for Saturday night with one of the office staff. (You know what they say…big stick, big…personality.)
The TODAY show was playing on the big screen TV on the wall. As luck would have it they were interviewing a fascinating young woman named Christine Rouse who, like me, has Cerebral Palsy. Like me she was near the top of her class throughout her academic life, graduated from college and has gone on to form a program for people with disabilities who allows and encourages them to explore their creative side through music, dance, theatre, the visual arts and so on. I was impressed and envious at the same time… and to be honest guilty.
She was a charming young woman. She had the visible effects of a stroke on the left side of her face (something many people with Cerebral Palsy display but I, somehow, dodged that bullet.), her speech was forced and at times garbled (a trait we share, although mine usually only shows up when I’m really tired which is why many times people thought I was high or drunk when in reality I’d had little if anything to take or drink.), I didn’t see her walk but I knew inside she probably walks like I do with a pronounced limp (more so when tired) and favoring one arm or the other to maintain a decent balance (something that caused many people to wonder if I were gay a large portion of my life). Yet here she was doing what I had often talked about doing but never had gotten around to doing yet for less than admirable reasons. To be completely honest I was feeling humiliated and dejected right that moment and all Yoda could do was shake his head at me in disgust. Fortunately they called my name and I was spared any further emotional discomfort…physical was another story. Let’s just say I used a whole new vocabulary while they were messing with my finger and leave it at that.
The ride home was less than interesting. My driver barely knew how to get around and I ended up playing tour guide and navigator which amused Yoda to no end. The next day I would get even with his humor as we both took our first ride ever on a city bus, but that’s a story for later.
The TODAY show and Christine Rouse haunted me all night. Just when I thought I might have a handle on where I was headed these days my life has taken an abrupt turn yet again and now I feel like I’m back at square one for the millionth time in my life. I’m still asking what I’m going to do when I grow up, do you? I kinda hope so… because misery loves company.
And Yoda smiled knowingly.