Travels with Yoda Part IV

PART IV

Who knew…that after a couple of glasses of wine Yoda, of all people, would turn into a lounge lizard? A revelation I couldn’t have planned for.
We were asked to bring him with us to our monthly meet & greet Wendi & I have hosted for the past seven years. All of our goofy and sexy friends thought he was a real kick, gave him celebrity treatment and was quickly absorbed by the group. In no time at all Yoda was nearly smothered with love by every woman in the bar ( I can’t show you how well without incriminating many people I like so use your imagination on this one) and gladly signed body parts like a rock star.
Sometime during this, unbeknownst to me, he managed to down more than a glass or two of wine in the process. The next thing I knew he was standing squarely underneath every woman in the place wearing a dress and looking up to see what they were (or weren’t) wearing. Needless to say Wendi & I had to corral him and park him at the bar before he got into some real trouble where he promptly passed out face down on the bar and remained there for the rest of the night which we were actually grateful for.
We didn’t get much trouble from him for the rest of the evening, that is, until later when we got home and he began to take a “less than sober and honorable” interest in the vacuum cleaner as we were hanging up our coats in the closet (ewww).
Everyone seemed to not mind his drunken antics but I made a mental note to try and keep a tighter leash on him in the future.
The party was a great success and we ended up with over a hundred and twenty happy well wishers who were there to celebrate that Spring was finally here (meaning less clothing to have to wear and more parties outside and in the pools), St. Paddy’s Day and my upcoming Birthday.
Sunday proved to be “interesting”. I’ve never had to deal with a hung over Yoda before. Between moans and saying things in a language I’ve never heard before and a repeated request for gerbils (…don’t know…don’t want to know) he was not his usual semi-cheerful self for most of the day to say the least. Every now and then he would look at me and images of my death and dismemberment would fill my head which made me more than a little nervous at times and cause me to remind him he brought this all on himself.
After a long nap he seemed to re-join reality with only having to rub his head now and then with a ghastly moan. He did mutter from time to time something that sounded like “I’m getting too old for this shit” and refrain from hurting anyone…including himself in the process. I’m legally deaf so I have no real idea what he said…but it makes sense. To help ease his pain I dug out my newly found olive pitter and made him a dry three olive martini and let him watch his favorite movie (“Dogma” …he thinks Jay and Silent Bob are geniuses). He actually asked to watch “Hudson Hawk” because he thinks Sandra Bernhard is a sexual goddess in that movie but I couldn’t find it (intentionally).
As the day eventually wound its way into evening Yoda thanked Wendi & I for taking care of him then without missing a beat looked at me and told me we hadn’t even really begun to tackle my journey yet. I agreed with him and with that he rolled over and went to sleep.
I can only imagine what Yoda has in store for me tomorrow as we head into my new life and future. One thing I know for sure is…it’s going to be different.