WHEN DOES A PARENT STOP BEING A PARENT?

WHEN DOES A PARENT STOP BEING A PARENT?

I’ve had to ask myself that question at least a hundred times in the past twenty-four hours and probably a thousand more times at various times over the past several years.
My eldest daughter (who will be thirty-five in May) dropped a bomb on me last night. Being the well educated, universally accepting and understanding father I’ve always been…freaked out. She caught me so off-guard I actually behaved like a father. Hind sight being 20/20 I’m not so sure my reaction was wrong…out of character…no doubt, but wrong? I’ve spent all day trying to make sense of it and have no better answer as I write this than I did when I went over the parental edge last night.
The daughter in question is the “brainiac, academic” of the three daughters I have who were all A+, accelerated over-achievers in school. In some ways she followed in the footsteps of myself and my ex-wife. She’s talented, creative, articulate, personable and fun to be around. In many ways she’s been more my favorite than the other two even though I’ve treated all of them equally and don’t play favorites with any of them. Like any Dad…they’ve all pissed me off on more than one occasion but I love them all just the same. The eldest has always traveled to the beat of a different drummer and I’ve kinda admired her for that.
My eldest has my love of art and history which is why she went to Cairo Egypt to study Archaeology and Anthropology under the renowned Dr. Zahi Hawass who was Egypt’s Minister of State for Antiquities up until recently when he was forced out of that position by the new military government of that country. (You’ve seen him crawling through mouse holes in some pyramid on National Geographic over the years.) While there she developed a love for all things Middle Eastern going so far as to convert to Islam.
Sometime after her stay there she met and married a really nice young man from Syria. Just before all hell broke loose over there he had to go back to resolve some Immigration details to be able to stay here permanently. You know what’s happened over there the past year or so so it isn’t a surprise he’s still there and trying to get out. The odd part is he seems to be able to travel freely from Syria to Jordan without issue through all of this. Why he hasn’t just gotten on a plane and gone anywhere else and sought asylum is beyond me.
My daughter works here for Child Protective Services here trying to keep kids out of harm’s way (see some irony here? I do.) Last night she called to say she wouldn’t be able to get together with me for my birthday (no big deal…I don’t celebrate them either these days) because she was going to meet her husband in Jordan…
He had wanted her to come to Syria but she wisely refused but was nuts enough to agree to Jordan. Is it just me being a Dad or am I missing something here? I did something I’ve never done in my life with my kids…especially this one. I told her that was the most “Insanely Dumbest” thing I’ve ever heard her say. Was I wrong? Was I behaving too much like a Dad or should I just pat her on the head and hope she doesn’t come back in a body bag? I know she always thinks she’s the exception to the rule when it comes to the Middle East…but they don’t particularly like Americans in that part of the World right now and as nice as her husband is…the kid can’t protect himself much less her and when the shit hits the fan (and it will) he’ll be the first running in the opposite direction with or without her.
So I’m asking you my friends…am I being an over-reactive Dad or is there something else I should do? I really, really don’t know right now.