CONVERSATIONS WITH MYSELF 01/18/13

“I’m going to say four words and I want you to remember them. Banana, truck, apple, cat” …and so began my visit with young doctor “Spooky” my Neurologist (although he isn’t as spooky as he used to seem to be to me anymore). I’ll be honest right here…I really don’t remember the words he said at that time but for the sake of this missive let’s pretend those were the words. As we’re talking about how the seizure meds are doing and if the dosage should be increased he scribbles a pentagon on the back of one of the forms and hands it to me and says “I want you to copy that for me” as we continue talking. “This is a piece of cake!” I’m thinking to myself, “I’ve been a fucking artist my whole life! What’s this going to prove? It’s like that old ad in magazines and gum wrappers when I was a kid…”If you can draw this YOU could have a career in Art” it would proclaim.” I indignantly think in my head as I draw the shape…sort of. A pentagon has five equal sides, all connecting. Mine was a little shy of equal and one side didn’t connect. Perhaps it was a “deconstructed” pentagon or just after 9/11…who knows. We keep talking about this, that and the other thing while he looks at my drawing and then without warning he asks “So what were those four words I told you to remember?” The look on my face must have spoken volumes. I desperately try and remember the words and the only word I can come up with is “apple”. “OK…I’m fucked” I think to myself as I try and gage Dr. Spooky’s expression. “I’m going to refer you to a specialist to run several more tests.” He finally says. “But aren’t YOU a specialist?” I ask somewhat befuddled. “Yes, but they have the right equipment to run all of these tests accurately” was all he said rather matter-of-factly. As he walks me over to the scheduling desk to set up my follow-up appointment and my referral scenes from “Rocky Horror” dance through my head, “What twisted “experiments” am I going to be subjected to now?” I nervously wonder. “If this “specialist” turns out to be a transvestite who looks frighteningly similar to Tim Curry I may decide to take up marathon running in spite of my health issues. During the cab ride home all sorts of potential scenarios are bouncing around in what little brain I seem to have these days. Suddenly…in the middle of all this internal angst the word “banana” pops into my head. “Oh that’s just fucking great! I couldn’t have thought of that sooner? I would have at least gotten a 50% on that stupid test!” I think to myself. I didn’t want to say it out loud and scare the hell out of the cab driver. And so the adventure begins and what is typically the case in my life these days, it’s not on the right foot… so what else is new. One only wonders.