A CHANGE IN SEASONS

Fall is just moments away. A spring and summer have drifted away while everyone pointed fingers at each other blaming the other person for the debacle their lives have been the past few years and yet no one is willing to accept responsibility for themselves or their own actions. Everything is generally prefaced with some form of “If only”. My life (as you well know by now) took a drastic change as the clock was chiming and the New Year was being rung in. I’d barely had the chance to make one of those obligatory “Out with the Old, In with the New” statements many feel the need to make at times like that but it became painfully apparent things were about to be different without saying much of anything. That statement quickly ceased to be a cliché and turned into an all too real mantra, the effects of which I’m still learning to deal with each and every day. “Out with the Old, In with the New” has resonated in every aspect of our lives this year because of the surreal political and economic climate that grinds on without a plausible solution to anything. Regardless of who gets elected everything will still be doomed to fail because we lack a backbone to make any hard choices. The people we elect have too many IOU’s out there to really change anything and have less of a backbone than we do. No matter what side of the fence you stand on you want the other guy to give up more than you yourself are willing to give up and have become willing to lie, cheat and steal to get what you want while trotting out words like “honest” and “honorable” to use as your shield and if that doesn’t work you invoke the name of God. People have been lying to each other and themselves for so long they no longer know what is and isn’t true. Whatever is wrong with their life…it’s someone else’s fault and they’re going to continue to lie to everyone (especially themselves) until they find out who the culprit is that makes their life so miserable looking for anything at all that might be considered a clue (except a mirror) so they can point a finger in some other direction and say “See! It wasn’t me!” even though they’re clearly implicated in the wrongful deed from the beginning more often than not. The relationships they have are forged by fantasy, half-truths and are fleeting at best. They always have one foot out the door in case they get caught with their hand in the cookie jar. They want people to blow sunshine up their ass and tell them they’re special until they do get found out and when the rift finally happens…again…it’s always the other persons fault. So they begin searching out new victims to replace the old ones while desperately attempting to maintain their popularity. The down side is they don’t know who they are and have no clue what they’re actually looking for. It’s a rarity to have a relationship with someone who knows you warts and all and still willing to stand beside you no matter what. As you might imagine I have few of such relationships that deep these days. The people closest to me and I trust the most can be counted on two hands…minus a finger or two. My wife is certainly on the top of that list. I don’t have the memory or the patience to cultivate that many relationships and my bluntness (and sometimes arrogance) tends to scare many away…besides, as my eldest daughter recently pointed out, I have a tendency to throw everyone under the bus sooner or later. I have many friends, lovers and acquaintances that I deeply respect and admire on many levels but, as much as I care about them, it’s unlikely we could all agree on where to eat for lunch much less accomplish anything important and my frustration would only get the better of me. The year is almost three quarters gone. “The Winter of Our Discontent” is quickly closing in upon us. We have choices to make soon and not just at the polling booth. We’ve betrayed ourselves long enough. I have no desire to become just another character in a John Steinbeck novel anymore. I have learned much about myself this year. My collection of people with a bunch of initials behind their last names grows daily. I write this after just learning I have arthritis in both hands and Carpal Tunnel from my left wrist to my elbow…yet here I sit writing, ignoring the pain, and knowing I may have yet another surgery in my future. Before long they’ll be taping paint brushes in my hands the way they did Monet late in his life so he (and I) could keep painting. I haven’t given up on myself or the human race yet so many seem to have done just that. It’s time for a change. We really do need one…a real one this time.