EXCUSE ME I’M KINDA LOST

As many of you know I spend a great deal of time identifying and following patterns and trends as they unfold. This morning as I started my second pot of green tea I came to a not-so-starling realization that I am no longer socially relevant by today’s standards. I don’t Tweet, Twerk, Tweak or Toke. I don’t own an I-Phone or I-Pad and don’t feel compelled to camp out on a sidewalk overnight to get the latest and greatest (which, more often than not,…isn’t) or buy my music online. I don’t fully understand the need to buy overpriced clothes to appear younger than I am and seem to be unable to grasp the importance of patronizing some trendy new “IT” restaurant and eat make believe food at obscene prices. I’m OK with that. In fact, I’m rather proud of my ignorance. I LIKE the age I’m at, it gives me a perspective many “IT” people don’t have… it’s called a life and life experiences. When my phone rings it doesn’t have a ringtone that annoys even dogs at three hundred yards…it just rings and when it does I say “Hello” not this is Alan. I don’t text. Texting is for the lazy and socially inept. It’s hard to have a meaningful conversation or relationship with a screen. I upgrade my technology when it makes sense for me to do so… not to impress anyone. I like rummaging around in shops talking to people while I seek out music, art objects, interesting clothes and those strange things people used to by to take up space on shelves and prop doors with… I believe they were called books. I’m always amazed how many of them I find never opened and imagine the opportunities lost by the previous owners. I love food. Let me rephrase that… I love REAL food. Well prepared food that doesn’t taste like someone hasn’t emptied an entire spice rack into always makes me smile. Fast food and chain restaurants rarely do the trick… even though we’re all forced to eat there from time to time. I would love to have the space for a garden where I could grow as many fresh fruits, vegetables and herbs as I could to cook and eat with rather than some overpriced specialty store or local market. As it is I cook more at home more than I do go out because frankly… I do a better job cheaper, healthier and flavor wise. I have become a culinary snob. TV and the Internet has turned everyone into “foodies” who, in reality, don’t know shit from Shinola about food but because some celebrity chef told them this, and that is what they should be doing and eating right now they follow the chef right off of the cliff like the Lemmings they are. Taking the time (or having the time) is a foreign thought to most people these days… it gets in the way of being fabulous. I, on the other hand, am ignorant and apparently out of step with the world at the moment so I find myself with an abundance of time on my hands to investigate such food related issues. This has somehow made me a defacto food snob… I’ll take it. If being out of touch with the mainstream is such a horrible stigma to have… why do I feel so good about it?